It's 4:12 am right now and of course, being the crazy night owl/insomniac I am, I'm still awake. I was trying to write a feature on the band Don't Wake Aislin for The Waking but have just felt so distracted. When I feel this way I have a tendency to go to YouTube and listen to music, usually it's videos of The Civil Wars or Switchfoot; but tonight I stumbled upon some Ray Lamontagne songs. As I was listening to Ray sing in his signature soulful style that just captures you and leaves you in awe; I all of the sudden felt this incredible surge of inspiration and creativity. It may sound a bit silly to you but it made me feel almost giddy.
You see, I have felt so void of creativity, inspiration, & passion lately; I have felt like I just have nothing to give or offer. I have felt like there was just no beauty anywhere around me. Things in my head and heart have been somewhat of a mess and my thoughts have been too chaotic to get straight and onto paper. But all of the sudden... there it is again, a simple whisper that maybe things could still be beautiful. A new hope for beauty seemed to flood my heart... haven't felt that way in a long time. That feeling of, who knows, maybe new life can grow in the barren soil.
Thank God for good music at just the right time. It tends to get to my heart and break down barriers I've built when nothing else can. For some reason I think God uses music to get to me....yes, even Ray Lamontagne lol.
I've realized that instead of wishing I was at a different place and time, instead of lamenting my circumstances, I need to really breathe into this space. I need to see these days as a special commodity, as time goes by at lightening speed, and I will not have them back again. I need to dive into this space and breathe; I need to fully live in this place. I'm not doing that and I need to be. I need to bloom where I have been planted and stop resenting and resisting it. I need to start doing the things I want and need to do. I need to start doing the things I love to do again. I want to live with passion, being creative, finding beauty and inspiration in simple things. And if I start being fully alive and fully in motion in this place then maybe I'll be ready for when God decides to move me into another place, a new & beautiful place.
I believe God holds out his hand and offers us beauty, but it’s our choice to see it and fully live in it. I want to start actively living the journey God wants me to be on. I want to be fully present in it.