As I was spending time with Jesus yesterday (something that, in all honesty, I've been avoiding lately) the one thing that I kept telling him was that the biggest cry of my heart right now is to trust him. Because lately my distrust of him has become so painfully obvious to me.
As I've been struggling with an important decision I've realized something about myself. Can I be really honest? Seeing as how it's not like anyone really reads this blog, I think my secrets are safe lol. The truth is, I would much rather choose the path that requires the least amount of trust in God because I simply don't trust him. I would rather choose the safe, easy, and comfortable path because I don't believe that if I were to step out and follow the Lord's leading that he'd take care of me. How horrible is that? But it's the cold hard truth. And you know what? It breaks my heart.
I think a lot of us Christians if asked if we trusted God would probably say yes. If for no other reason than we wouldn't want to look like "bad Christians". But do we really trust him? Actions speak louder than words. Do we live like we trust him? I can tell you that I don't. And I don't know if I really ever have. So much of my life has been lived in the shadow of fear. I've allowed fear to hold my hand for so long that I barely am aware of it anymore. It's just become my life, my reality. I only become aware of the weight of my fear when I feel Jesus trying to pull me out of it. Whispering ever so softly and tenderly to leave fear behind, step out in faith, and follow him. I want to... oh how I want to. And in that moment with him, in the sweetness of his presence, I believe that I can. But it isn't long before fear comes back to stake it's claim on me once again. And the cycle continues.
When I think about the fork in the road that I'm currently standing in, it strikes me that the path that scares me the most is also somehow, in the strangest way, the one I have the most peace about. And the easy, safe path... well, that has just been making me cry. I've been upset and bursting into tears since I chose it. And it's like God keeps speaking to my heart telling me that I don't have to choose it, I don't have to let fear win and give up on the dreams he's planted in my heart. I don't have to settle for less than his best for me. I am a daughter of the King... so why am I begging for scraps at the table?
Deep down I know that he's a good God. I know he's faithful. I know he loves me. Why is this so hard for me to believe sometimes when evidence of his goodness everywhere? I just so easily let the enemy blind me to that. I think if my human mind, if even only for a second, could comprehend the extent of his great love for me... trusting him wouldn't be quite so hard. I long to put my life totally in his hands. To step out in faith and follow where he leads. I know that it wouldn't always be easy or fun... but in my heart, I know it would be worth it.
With all the hate in the world today, especially after the election, all I can think is that I just want to be a light. Even though it's oh so tempting to scream and shout my opinions, I will not add to the noise. I will not add to the hate and fear mongering. I will choose to put my hope in Christ. The only thing worth hoping in. And I want to keep my joy, knowing that the joy of the Lord is my strength.
My heart is to be a light, a spark. To somehow in some way... albeit however small, bring light and joy to the people in my life and to people I come in contact with. Even if it's just as simple as a smile and a kind word. Giving of my time and attention. To really look someone in the eye and see them, hear them. Show them that they are significant and valuable. Showing compassion and understanding even to those I may not understand or agree with. My desire is to radiate the love and light of Christ where ever I go and in whatever I do.
Anger, hatred, bitterness... they are a cancer to the soul. I've seen up close and personal how it can eat someone alive. Consuming them and turning them into the very worst version of themselves. I've been that person... and I didn't like who I had become. So I refuse to give into that again. I want to have my heart open for God to work in. That He would do what ever pruning and weeding that needs to be done. I want for Him to continually fill my heart to overflowing with love, peace, joy, grace, and mercy. To have a soft heart that is slow to anger and quick to forgive. A heart that spills out love and light... not hatred.
I've often thought about this in terms of romantic love. How I just cannot wait to be my future husband's (who ever he may be... ya know, if he even exists ;)) light. His reason to smile at the end of a long, hard day. His soft place to land. His biggest cheerleader and supporter. His prayer partner/warrior. His comfort in this crazy world. I want to be the crazy, joyful, happy spark that lights up his heart and life. To be able to pour out the love that God has put in my heart. Okay, okay.. enough with the cheesy sappiness, I get it. But my point is, I hope and pray that I do have a husband to give that kind of love to someday but even if I don't, I can certainly try to be this for the people God places in my life. I mean, romantic love aside, that's the way I hope to love others in general.
"I want to be loved, and have love, and give love. And not just that romantic kind either." - Bradley Hathaway
I know that I fail at this time and time again but it's my goal. As the dark gets darker I think it's imperative for us as followers of Christ to not forget that we are called to be salt and light. The light of the world. The enemy would love for us to lose sight of that. And how being a light to this world is so much more satisfying and fulfilling than the alternative.
Just a few thoughts I wrote in my journal on my birthday a couple days ago (on the 5th) that I thought I'd share here.
This sweet scripture is my 32nd birthday declaration. Instead of focusing on the things that are missing, I choose to focus on all the joyous things ahead. All the beautiful things God has in store for me. I may not be where I want to be but at least I'm not where I used to be. I look at this past year of my life and I see evidence of God's sweet faithfulness to me everywhere. He is good... and that's reason enough to be glad.
I want to wake up everyday and speak this scripture first thing in the morning. As a reminder that there are good things ahead. In anticipation of all the wonderful joy ahead. The joy that comes from knowing, following, and trusting Christ.
Truth is, my life may not have turned out the way I planned. And the future may not end up looking like I thought it should. But I'm alive.... still living and breathing in this 32nd year of my life. And whether it feels like it or looks like it or not, God is here with me, in the midst of all of it. He is good. He loves me. He is for me. He does see me. He hasn't forgotten me. And I refuse to ever believe otherwise again.
If there is still air in my lungs, if I continue to wake up to new mornings, there must be a reason. He must have a purpose, a plan. I know whatever it is He will work it all out for my good because He is good. I can trust Him with my future.
Though getting older is a little frightening, I know that I have so much to look forward to. So I will choose to be glad. Trusting and believing that there is wonderful joy ahead. So this year I celebrate that hope. And with that in mind, it's a happy birthday indeed.
Do nothing half way... dive in head first. Be all in or all out.
Talk to the guy that you can't get out of your head... he just might be worth the risk.
Choose the career path that seems the least practical but fills you with the most passion. So much so that it makes your heart beat faster when you think about it.
Talk to and befriend interesting people even when your inner introvert is cringing and just wants to run away.
Carve out your own path, go against the grain, and dance to the beat of your own drum.
Dance as much as you can whenever you can... even with two really left feet.
Know that taking care of the body that God gave you is more worth it and more rewarding than the chocolate cake. But don't forget to have the chocolate cake every now and again... that way you don't end up hurting anyone.
Listen to all the music all day if it brings you joy and makes your world feel even the slightest bit more magical.
Explore and discover all the beautiful places that happen to be right in your own back yard.... that you often take for granted.
Get your cute little behind off the computer and out of the house. Because no filtered photo on Instagram or Pinterest can compete with the way the sun dances over water right before your very own eyes.
Pour your heart out to God but don't forget to sit and be silent enough to hear Him speak.
Let your creativity run free and don't discredit your ideas no matter how big or crazy they may seem.
Let the naysayers tell you that ordinary people don't actually do what you want to do. Smile to yourself knowing that you are anything but ordinary.
Don't live as though you have to impress or prove anything to anyone. This is not a race. Find the joy in surprising yourself with just how capable you really are.
Bloom where you are planted and be where your feet are. But sometimes have the courage to just burn it down and walk away. Shed a few tears for the places and people who loved you well that you are leaving behind. They deserve it. When you need to leave, then leave.
Don't worry if you make a mistake... it's better than doing nothing at all. You will learn from it and it won't be in vain.
Never forget that your dreams and God's plans are often two very different things. But God's plans are always better than anything you could ever dream up.
And when the way looks impossible and all seems lost, know that God can make a way in the wilderness and streams in the dessert.
I think I'm in the middle of learning the hard lesson that sometimes God doesn't always give you what you want but instead gives you what you need. I swear I can be such a brat sometimes. Getting frustrated with God because He's not giving me what I want. Thinking, "God, for once, can't I just have what I want?". Thinking that He's forgotten me or holding out on me for some reason. I'm so focused on what I don't have that I'm missing it. In spite of my brattiness, God, in His loving kindness is trying to protect me. He sees the big picture that I can't see. He knows that what I want might bring me more harm than good in the end. That what I want might just turn out to be what I didn't really want after all.
I have to trust His heart for me. And that His heart for me is only good. I have to trust that He will not withhold any good thing from me... but the thing is, I don't always know what really is good. I have to remember that His ways are higher than mine. I don't have to understand what He is doing in my life, I just have to trust. And act... stepping out in faith and doing what I feel He has put in my heart to do. Having the faith that He will illuminate the path little by little as I walk it. Trusting His timing. I know He makes all things beautiful in it's time.
I want to stop focusing on all I want and all I don't have. I want to somehow find a way of embracing this season. I want to appreciate and have a heart of thankfulness to God for his protection and provision. Being thankful that in spite of my bad attitudes and short sightedness, He still sees fit to guard me. Protecting me and shielding me from all I want but don't really need. Protecting me from going down my own destructive path. Saving me from myself.
"For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." - Psalm 84:11
So I said I would never blog about this. Yet, here I am. I guess as the old adage goes, never say never. Actually that saying also applies to dating sites in general. Yes, I was one of those people that always said I would never join a dating site, never! To me that was something you did if you were like 50 and totally desperate. Rather judgey, I know. But it’s okay, because in the end, I had to eat crow.
I joined a dating site for the first time back in 2009, before I ever found out about Christian Mingle. It all started with that flyer… that darn flyer.
In April of 2009 my parents, my sister Cecily, my cousin Pam, and I took a trip to Dallas to attend a concert called The Rock & Worship Roadshow. It was a huge concert with a bunch of different bands held at the American Airlines Center. As we were waiting in line before the show someone came around passing out flyers for a new Christian dating site called, JC Match. Yes, as in Jesus Christ Match, hence the “JC”. (Which gives me a total 90’s Christian kid flashback, by the way… ya know, “who’s in the house?, JC!”. Anyone?? Okay, obscure reference to Carmen thrown in there for no extra charge. Anyway, moving on.)
(Yep, I saved this! I just had to! It doesn’t say it on the flyer but their tagline was “Let His heart lead yours”. Yep, that’s exactly what we were doing. ;))
They handed one to each of us three girls and as soon as they walked away, we laughed about it, threw it in our purses, and didn’t give it another thought. Until later that night, that is.
Back at the hotel after the show, me and my cousin are the only ones still awake, so she grabs my lap top computer… and the flyer! I was in disbelief that she would even consider signing up for a dating site let alone a dating site called “JC Match”. But alas, it didn’t take long before we were both totally engrossed in going from profile to profile. It was like a man menu! And some of these profiles must have been pretty funny because all I remember is us both laughing so hard as we scrolled through for like an hour. If nothing else it was sure entertaining!
She signed up that same night, I believe. And after some prodding from her, I soon followed suit. Then I took the liberty of signing my very reluctant sister up against her will soon after that. While nothing ever came of it for me and my cousin (who by the way, is now married to a really good guy that she did not meet on a dating site), it sure did for my sister. Believe it or not she met a guy who was actually at that very same concert and got the very same flyer!
Soon we had a complete stranger coming to our house to meet her face to face. Which honestly was a strange mix of weird and exciting all at the same time. I mean he ended up being a nice person and thankfully was not a psycho, but I seriously do not think my dad slept that whole night lol. He was on guard just in case this dude tried anything! While things between them didn’t work out… little did we know this was only beginning of her dating site journey.
So fast forward to 2011, when she signs herself up for Christian Mingle. Then in a stroke of evil genius, she turned the tables on me and signed me up against my will. Which of course I think brought her a sick sense of satisfaction. And while nothing came of it for me… once again, it sure did for her lol. And this time in a big way.
Soon we had yet another guy coming to our house to meet her face to face lol. And as it turns out the second time was a charm for her! The two met face to face at the end of May 2011 and before we knew it… about 6 months later, she was married. So yes, my sister has a Christian Mingle success story. Proof that these stories do exist and that these things can happen. And that they aren’t totally lying to us in those super cheesy commercials with their rather questionable advice, such as the cringe worthy tagline - "Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move, when God is saying, ‘It’s your time to act'. The next move is yours. Find God’s match for you at ChristianMingle.com.”
So even though thus far, nothing has even remotely come of it for me, I am still on Christian Mingle. While I’m not a paying subscriber at the moment, I’m on there! Though in all honesty, sometimes I have no idea why lol. Boredom? Maybe. The small hope that something could eventually come of it? Maybe… probably. However, my time on there has led me to some very, shall we say, interesting observations that I thought I would share with you guys!
I should preface by saying that these are not meant to offend anyone. But c’mon, you have to admit, if you are on one of these dating sites for any amount of time there are certain things you just can’t help but notice. Things that just make you scratch your head in bewilderment. Things that simply frighten you.
My Top 5 Christian Mingle Observations -
1. Let’s start this off with what I’m going to call the “Hunter & Gatherer Phenomenon”. This one’s for the guys that obviously love to fish and hunt. I’m totally not the fishing & hunting kinda girl but if that’s what you’re into, cool. But maybe, just maybe the picture of you holding up the bloody dead fish is not the best Christian Mingle profile picture. Just putting that out there. It’s kinda like when your cat puts a dead mouse on your door step. No really, go with me here. Your cat brings you the mouse to show that they are big strong hunters and they want you to be proud… but really you’re just disgusted. I recently came across a guy holding up two dead ducks by the neck… didn’t know whether to cry or puke.
2. Okay, now to address the guys who take shirtless photos of themselves lying in bed. There is seriously no point in doing this unless you look like friggin’ Ryan Gossling. And even then a picture like that just makes you look conceited. And no girl wants to date a guy who thinks he’s prettier than she is.
(Yes, if you’re paying attention this is the second blog in a row with a Ryan Gossling “Hey Girl”meme. Don’t judge me.)
Plus, there’s the whole we’re on ChristianMingle and you’re like trying to seduce me thing (ahem, especially if you’re not even doing a good job at it) that just seems kinda wrong.
3. The grandpa’s and the men old enough to be my father… le sigh. I’m sorry but I ain’t no gold digger, gramps and I do not have daddy issues. Just no.
4. The guys who are in their late 20’s or early 30’s and are looking for girls that are 18 and 19. Simple, I don’t trust you. I just don’t. Sorry… not sorry. I see this so often and it just really baffles me as the thought of dating a guy who is 18 or 19 weirds me out! C’mon, do you want to date or babysit? Just sayin’. Someone please explain this phenomenon to me because I really don’t get it.
5. Lastly, the guys who make goofy or slightly scary faces on their profile picture. I admit it, I’ve clicked on you, just because I was like “What the what??” So if the idea was to get attention then… mission accomplished? lol Actually, oddly enough, a couple of you even turned out to be cute… in your normal pictures that is. But I just wonder if maybe there’s a slightly less disturbing way to get us girls to click onto your profile.
Edit: So I had a hunch there would be more to add to the list. Ahem, #6. Trying to pass off pictures of celebrities as yourself. Um, hello, I know that's Paul Walker! You're not fooling anyone!!
So those are my top 5 observations! I’m sure as time goes on, there will be lots more to add to the list. If you are or have ever been a Christian Mingler or an E-Hamonizer, or any of the other many dating sites out there, I want to hear from you! Your funny observations, stories, the good, the bad, the ugly! If ya got ‘em, share ‘em!
All of this is not to say or sound like I have it figured out and that I don’t sound like a total dork on my profile. Because I’m pretty sure that I do lol. It’s weird talking about yourself, posting pictures… basically putting yourself on display like cattle at the county fair. Ack! It’s awkward.
I confess that I act like I don’t care but yet I’ve written and rewritten my profile… and I still cringe when I read it. And I confess that sometimes, in admitted shallowness, I click on a guys photos first. I have a weird habit of sizing someone up based on their music taste (It says a lot about someone, okay?)… I know it’s silly but I can’t help it! I have the hardest time forcing myself, even if I’m really interested in a guy, to send one of those super cheesy “smiles” or greetings. And I confess that I’ve thought hundreds of times about just deleting my account.
Ah, the world of online dating is a weird one, for sure. But obviously, for some people, it does work. So whether you’re letting His heart lead yours or you’ve stopped waiting on God and made the first move… I wish you luck. God speed, my friend.
Yep, in case you haven’t heard, there’s a movie. Now, I haven’t watched it but I believe my sister and her hubs watched it on their anniversary last year. Because you know, how could they not, right? Seeing as how Christian Mingle brought them together I guess they owed them that much.
I know, I know, we’re already a couple months into 2015 but I’m somewhat behind on blogging here, so bear with me as I race to catch up.
It’s a pretty common practice among us bloggers to choose a word for the New Year. A word that will set the tone so to speak and inspire the direction we hope our year takes. If you’ve been a part of the blogosphere as a writer or even just as a reader then I’m sure you know this. I’ve done this for the past few years now and I love the idea of it. It always made me feel hopeful for the new year, for a new start when maybe I was having a hard time doing that. But I have to be honest, this year… I could not even go there. I just couldn’t. I was totally and completely over it. Every pretty, inspiring, fluffy word felt fake and phony to me.
You see, the thing is, I was really dreading the clock striking 12 and the year changing into 2015. All that it meant to me was a list, a long list of all the things I didn’t accomplish in 2014. All the things I hoped and dreamed for it to be that it just wasn’t. It meant so much of what I planned that just didn’t happen. It meant that I had to face all the ways I didn’t change and didn’t grow. It was swallowing some hard truths… and it hurt. And I was a mere minute from falling apart at the thought of midnight on New Years Eve. And I hate that because I love celebrating that holiday with my family. But that’s where my heart was.
Somehow I made it through New Years Eve without any tears… this I believe is due in part to the yummy cheese fondue that we ate that night lol. But a few nights later, I was thinking about my plans that didn’t happen last year as I was scrolling through pictures of people who were doing that very thing. Needless to say, that sort of broke me. In tears at that point I started praying and asking God why weren’t these things happening for me? Why does it seem impossible for me to get to where I’ve been trying to go for what feels like forever?
Now, trust me, I’m not one to over spiritualize things and I try to be very very careful about saying the words “God told me” or “God spoke to me”… but at that moment I really did feel Him place these words into my heart: My plan is better.
That was it. No bells or whistles. Just four words… a reminder that His plan is better. Was it God? I hope so. I think so. All I know is that it was a huge comfort to me and it’s something I’ve been repeating to myself since then. His plan is better. Everytime I start to worry, stress, or get antsy… His plan is better. Everytime I start to look back in regret and frustration or look forward in fear and confusion…. His plan is better. Everytime I get tempted to ignore His voice and go my own way… His plan is better.
So this year, I don’t have a word… I have a whole phrase. His plan is better.
(Photo of the lovely and dreamy Junk Gypsy store in Round Top, TX! Seriously one of my favorite places! Plan to blog about my recent trips there soon!)
Oh hello little blog of mine. Long time no talk, eh? I know it may not seem like it, but I've missed you.
You dear blog, hold 6 years of me. Six years! Crazy, huh? My how time flies. Six years of my thoughts, feelings, random ramblings, and of course two of my favorite things – lots of music & lots of recipes!
When we began this journey into the blogosphere in the summer of 2009, it was simply just a way for me to share lyrics and poems that I was writing at that time. Just a virtual home for words never put to music but had instead lived on paper, written in pen (remember that lost art?). So I tacked a name on you that my sister actually came up with (in reference to my love of writing & baking) and used lyrics from my favorite Tristan Prettyman song as a url. A url, which in hindsight, doesn't really make much sense considering the title is completely different... but that's beside the point. The point is, that was my only plan and intention for you. I didn't realize at that time what you would come to mean to me. I didn't realize that you would become a place for me to share so much of myself.
I loved sharing in this space. I loved watching it change and transform... watching myself change and transform on these pages. We may not have ever had hundreds of followers or comments... but again, that wasn't really the point anyway, was it? There was a time that you became such a huge part of my life that I couldn't imagine not sharing my life with you.
But alas, things change, dear blog. I have changed... and blogging has definitely changed. Sharing in these spaces is not what it used to be (thanks instagram ;)).
It's now been 7 months since I've written. That's the longest I've ever been away from you. When I stopped writing last summer it wasn't intentional by any means and it wasn't for a lack of things to say. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to come here. I think I needed some space.
But lately the need to share has been tugging at my heart again. We all have so much to share with the world. And to share our words, thoughts, feelings, experiences, talents, hopes, dreams, joys, and pains is so important. We need each others stories. And to share them not only helps others but also speaks to the truth that we matter. To share is to believe that you matter, that your story matters. That you have something of value and worth to offer the world... and trust me, we all do.
So all this to say that I do have things to share, that I want to share. But I can't make you any promises, dear blog... I know myself too well. I don't know what this space will become or what direction it will take, if it takes any direction at all. But I just think my words need to find a home here again.
"I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to let your God given creativity surface. The world needs you. The church needs you. We need your ideas, your insights, your colors, Your contribution. What you are passionate about was created in you to make a splash in this life that no one else can make. Make it now." - Nicole Johnson
P.S Okay blog, so maybe it's a little overly sentimental (if not slightly self indulgent) but I wanted to share some of our favorite moments from this space over the years. The ones that still make me smile, the ones I feel most proud of.... so here's to you! ;)
Hey lovelies! I do not know how 2014 snuck up on us so fast but I really hope yours is off to a great start!
If I’m being honest, when I look back at 2013 I’m tempted to feel disappointed. There were a lot of major goals and life changes that I had on my list last year that, for one reason or another, just didn’t happen. I kinda feel like I was so close but yet so far. I was thinking about all this on New Years Eve and in the midst of enjoying tamales, cheese fondue, and sparklers with my family, I started feeling a little bummed about it.
Today was the day I supposed to start school at Le Cordon Bleu in Austin (blogged about it here). I was supposed to don an all white outfit and chefs cap (that would inevitably make me look like a marshmallow) with ugly black work shoes and join all the other obsessed bakers in one of the beautiful Le Cordon Bleu kitchens and learn about one of my biggest passions, baking. And I was looking forward to it like crazy! Well, best laid plans. For a few different reasons, it’s just not going to happen right now. Set backs… not a fan.
So what am I doing tonight to help me feel better… I’m getting in my kitchen and baking a freakin’ cake lol. Even though, yes, it does go against my New Years healthier eating goal.
But you know what, set backs happen, that’s life. What matters is that I pick myself up and keep on moving and trying. As cheesy as it may sound I really do believe that you only fail when you don’t try.
I know what I want. Hallelujah, for the first time in my life I know what I want. That in itself is a small miracle. And I’m not content with letting set backs stop me. Not anymore. So obviously, my biggest goal for 2014 is getting myself to Austin and becoming a student at Le Cordon Bleu.
So yes, while 2013 was marked by set backs it was also marked by some other things too. It was marked by stepping out of my comfort zone probably more than I ever have, it was marked by believing that I really am capable of living my dreams, it was marked by not just sitting on my behind but actually taking steps to living out those dreams, it was marked by growth, it was marked by exploring new territory, and it was marked by believing that God placed specific dreams in my heart for a reason.
So because of those reasons I refuse to look at 2013 as a failure. I choose to see it as a success. I won’t look back with disappointment but instead will see how far I’ve come and look forward with hope. The hope of taking more steps in 2014 to get to the place that I’m supposed to be.
A lot of people pick a certain word as a theme for their life in the new year. In previous years words like “free” and “forgiveness” meant a lot to me and were themes for the year. For 2014 I really wasn’t sure… there are a lot of words that speak to my heart about what I want 2014 to be and to hold. Some of them are: journey, milestones, bravery, courage, dream, create, new, do, live, adventure, experience, explore. But I think that the one word that encompasses it all is simply, fly.
My sister gave me this lovely butterfly necklace for Christmas. Being as amazing as she is and always believing in me, she said she wants it to be a reminder of courage. A reminder around my neck to fly. Maybe butterflies are our thing since I got her a butterfly ring years ago for very much the same reason. She’s kinda awesome. So my word for 2014 is “fly”.
Other Random Goals for 2014 -
*Learn French – It’s such a lovely language and I’m obsessed.
*Eat healthier and start working out again – This is the typical new years goal but I just really want to be healthier. This is also tough because of my little baking hobby/addiction. I really want to learn how to live with moderation and balance.
*Take a pottery class - Found one that’s really close to where I live.
*Improve my baking (& cooking) skills – Making my “to bake” list for 2014. Perfecting French Macarons is definitely high on that list.
*Sell more of my baked goods – Did this a little bit over the holidays and really enjoyed it. I can honestly say that it can be really stressful but really fun all at the same time lol. And I actually have already taken a step to doing more of it!
*Learn sign language – Ever since I became a crazy fan of the show Switched at Birth (on ABC Family. It’s so awesome!!) I’ve developed a fascination with ASL. It’s such a beautiful language! I already know the whole alphabet in ASL so that’s a start, right?
*Do more crafts, art journaling, & smash booking – These creative outlets are so so fun and really keep me sane!
*Keep blogging and get better at blogging – I was so about ready to throw in the towel last year but somehow, thanks to a blog a day challenge that I did back in September, I have fallen in love with blogging all over again.
*Yes, this contradicts the goal above but nonetheless, less computer time in order to make more time for things like – Writing… you know the old fashioned way, pen and paper. Reading, praying, crafts, working out, … anything other than holding a computer for hours at time.
So those are some of my smaller goals in addition to the biggest one. Wish me luck… or rather just say a little prayer for me, will you? I’ll need it. ;)
To have the bravery, courage, confidence, & strength to let go & take a leap of faith. Letting go of all that is comfortable, familiar, & easy to take a risk.
To have an open hand & open heart to what's ahead.
To receive all that God has for me.
To let go of the past & embrace the present & the future.
This has been my song lately. Something about it makes me feel brave and challenges me to live. It sort of sums up what I want from this next year of my life. To find my voice…
“Believe, that you can change the world. Your dreams, have been living in a code of silence. So let them out. Find your voice, find your voice. Make a noise."
Okay, so since today is Halloween I thought it was the perfect time to share a weird true story with you guys that involves aliens and a small town. It is Halloween after all. ;)
This story is actually about the tiny coastal Texas town I live in called, Palacios. A town I have lived in all my life and am just about getting ready to leave in a couple months. So no better time to tell this odd story and dedicate this post to “the city by the sea”, as we are called. I actually stumbled onto it online some years back and was a little stunned. Those who live here or who have lived here may already know it.
In October of 1973 the Mayor of Palacios, W.C. Jackson, decided to invite extraterrestrials to our lovely little city by the sea. Saying, and I quote, “No one has ever made those fellas welcome”. Such southern hospitality, right? In fact, he was so intent on making sure they felt welcomed that he actually sent a letter to President Nixon asking for him to grant the permission to proclaim the City of Palacios as the “Interplanetary Capitol of the Universe”. Yep, I kid you not.
Well as you can probably guess, Nixon denied Mayor Jackson’s request. A letter was sent back to the Mayor stating that “it would not be in accord with Presidential policy".
And so that’s how I almost lived in the “Interplanetary Capitol of the Universe”.
Why did Mayor Jackson feel so strongly about this, you ask? Did he have a “close encounter of the third kind”? Was he an extraterrestrial himself? Or is there just something in the water here that slowly makes you go crazy (would explain a lot)? I don’t know. These are all good questions. What I do know is that… the truth is out there.
Yesterday I came across a comment by a girl on a social media site, it was really sweet comment she made about her husband. But something about this comment, which maybe to most people sounded romantic, struck me. She said that without him she would be nothing. I mean, I'm happy that she obviously has a great husband and marriage, that's wonderful. But nothing? Really??
I don't know, is it Hollywood that makes us think that this is romantic? I honestly just don't get it. I wanted to tell her, you are so much more than you think. We all are.
It just got me thinking about all the fleeting and false things we tend to place our whole self worth and identity into. Think about it, all the things that we have could be gone tomorrow, there are no guarantees in this life, and then who would we be? Would we be less than?
It begs the question, what really makes us important? What really makes us worthy and valid? What makes us something instead of "nothing"? I know these really are the kinds of questions we like avoid, right?
A lot of us, myself included, fall into the trap of thinking if we don't have certain things that others do that we aren't valid and worthy. That we're nothing. We think when we finally have the good job, money, the tiny waist line, the husband, the big house, the 3.5 kids and cute little yorkie that we will finally be someone, something. We will be seen as worthy by others and most importantly, ourselves.
But what if you never get those things? Or what if you get them but only for a brief time and then they're gone?
I have to ask, who are you without that person? Who are you without that job? Who are you without the money? Who are you without the house? Who are you without that talent? Who are you without those friends? Who are you without the perfect number on the scale?
What makes you something? What makes you worthy and valid?
I know for me a relationship with a God who made me in his image (Genesis 1:27), who calls me His child (John 1:12) , who calls me His beloved (Ephesians 5:1), who calls me the apple of His eye (Deuteronomy 7:6), His treasured possession (Philippians 4:8), and says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), is where I strive to find my self worth.
A God who loved me so much before I was even alive that he sent his only son to die for my sins just so I could spend my forever with Him.
Now this, this is my (our) true identity. This is what makes me something. Even when it seems by the world's standards I have nothing or am nothing, I know that's a lie.
The truth is that anything else we put our self worth and identity into is a house built on sand. It can all too easily crumble and fall. The only thing we can count on to be constant is the love and worth that can be found in our Savior.
HE makes me SOMETHING. HE makes me SOMEONE. WORTHY. VAILD. IMPORTANT.
Let's not forget that we don't need anything in this world to be those things. We are daughters and sons of a beautiful, creative, loving God. We need to find our identity in Him. We are worthy, we are valuable, and we are something. Not because of who we are or anything that we’ve done, but simply because of Him and who He is.
I can't believe that today is the last day of September... and the last day of #blogtember! :( I had so much fun with this challenge. It was refreshing to have fun and creative writing prompts to do almost everyday. I felt like I really did more real writing this month than I have in a while. It was also so fun to connect with other bloggers; to read their thoughts and be inspired by them was truly one of my favorite parts.
I want to thank Jenni over at Story of My Life for hosting this challenge. I'm going to miss it! I hope I can keep the creativity flowing! :)
Well the final #blogtember prompt is to share something that's very special to you, that was maybe given or past down to you. I chose two items, each represent both sides of my family.
My grandpa's (on my dad's side) guitar -
When I was 14 I became completely obsessed with wanting to learn how to play the guitar. For years I'd seen my grandpa’s small acoustic guitar sitting in our living room (my family & I lived with my grandparents at the time), he would pick it up and play on occasion. When I was a kid I would sometimes pick it up and pretend to play it. But most of the time I would run my fingertips over the bridge of the guitar just because I liked the way it sounded.
When he found out that I wanted to learn how to play he let me have his guitar to learn on, even teaching me some chords. The guitar, being rather small, was and still is the perfect size for me. Not heavy like some some are. I took lessons for a short time from a friend of my cousins. When we moved out of my grandparents house not long after that, he told me to take the guitar with me. And even 8 years now after his passing, here it remains.
I took lessons on and off through out my teen years and um ... still only know like 4 chords lol. But that's beside the point. Having his guitar means so much to me. He was a musician who mostly played the saxophone. He even played and traveled around in a band for a while. His love for music, listening and playing, was definitely passed down to his grandchildren.
My great grandmother's (on my mom's side) quilt -
My grandma passed this beautiful quilt, that was handmade by her mom, down to my mom years ago. It hangs on my mom's quilt rack and means so much to her. So much so that she has said it will later on be passed down to me. My great grandma handmade it from her kids' clothing and my mom thinks it's probably near a hundred years old.
To think of all the time and love that went into making it, to think of how much it meant to my grandma, and how much it means to my mom, makes me even more proud to someday have it in my home. Especially since I have a love for all things handmade and homemade. To think of the generations that have cherished it will make it extra special. Then to someday pass it down to my children for another generation to cherish. Keeping it in the family.
What makes these items or anything that can be classified as a “family heirloom” so special is the person it came from and the stories attached to it. I’m so glad that I have these as well as other things to treasure and remind me of my special loved ones. :)
#Blogtember Creative writing day: write a (very short) fictional story that starts with this sentence: "To say I was dreading the dinner party would be the understatement of the century."
Creative writing day was a bit of a challenge for me.. which is why this blog is a few days late lol. Again this was another prompt I considered skipping. I’m not much of a story teller so I wasn’t sure if I could come up with anything. But late last night I got on OmmWriter (I’m crazy in love with that thing, I just can’t even.) and gave it a go! And I actually wrote something!
Now, as I said, I do not consider myself a story teller… so make of it what you will. It may be a little longer than most lol. Typical me to think I don’t have anything to say and then realize I have too much to say. But it was actually a lot of fun and I’m really glad I did it!
To say I was dreading the dinner party would be the understatement of the century. When I agreed to cater this event I had no idea it would be an engagement party for stuck up socialite & State Senator's daughter, Grace Carrington and her apparently long time beau, Grant Williams. Just hearing his name made my stomach churn. "It couldn't be the same guy, could it?" I thought. But when he walked into the office last week, holding Grace's hand to discuss the menu, my heart almost stopped.
As we caught each other's eyes, he appeared noticeably flustered, but very quickly recovered. He, of course, acted like he didn't know me. "Grant Williams, and you are?", he asked, shaking my hand. "Lindsay Wright", I croaked. He didn't miss a beat & was the very picture of cool. I, on the other hand, avoided his glance & barely heard a word Grace said as she babbled on for the next hour about free range chicken & place settings.
The night of the party had arrived and my team & I had spent the whole day prepping the food:
Brown Butter Butternut Squash Soup
Fig, Gorgonzola & Honey Tartines
Lemon & Herb Roasted Chicken
and for dessert…
Chai Spiced Pear Tarts and Wedding cupcakes
As the party started and we were serving the guests, I couldn't keep my mind from wandering back to my chance meeting and whirlwind romance with Grant last month at the lake. He was so handsome, charming, and funny. And as he led me to believe, unattached. We spent three amazing weeks together, falling in love... or so I thought. Then one morning, before I woke up, he just picked up and left. Leaving behind only a note with little to no explanation, saying he had to go and that he'd call me. I guess I now know why he never did.
Putting the finishing touches on the cupcakes, I feel a tap on my shoulder, "Lindsay, I need to talk to you". I could barely speak, all I could do was stare blankly at this guy who broke my heart. I mean, was I just some last hurrah before he decided to take the plunge? "Grant? What do you want?", I asked. "Shh, not here, they'll hear us.", he said as grabbed my hand and pulled me out the back door...
So this #blogtember prompt has us getting all sentimental, writing a “love letter” (that doesn't necessarily need to be romantic) to someone in our lives. Well there are a few people that I decided to write short letters to… I’ll try not be overly cheesy. But that may be hard as cheesiness tends to be my specialty lol.
To this special pink haired girl (wearing a zombie unicorn dress in this photo :)), my little sister, Cecily -
(Cec & me while she was visiting this past 4th of July.)
I miss you… like crazy!! Before I get to the mushy stuff, allow me to pout for just a second: I hate that my best friend, concert & baking buddy had to move hundreds of miles away from me. I hate that we never took a train to Seattle and begged for a job at Tooth & Nail. I hate that we never opened up our rockin’ music venue and cafe where we would have gotten Showbread to play the first show. And I hate that we never crowd surfed at a rock show.. (okay, so maybe it’s a good thing we never did that :p). But…
I love knowing that no matter what happens.. no matter the crazy ups & downs or the miles that separate us that we will always be close. I think time has proven that. I love knowing that we can get through anything. And I love that we still make a way to do fun things to together even if that means baking cookies & making wreaths over Skype.
I have learned so much from you over the years. The way you have overcome struggles in your life and come out even stronger. I’ve always admired your individuality.. the only person I know that would wear a pink tutu to a church convention lol. I would always walk away totally inspired by one of our late night conversations about God & life. Or reading an amazing blog you wrote.
I know that life has changed so much over the past couple years. We both have new lives & new dreams, and I think that’s a good thing. But what will never change is that I’m still your big sister, I love you, and will always be here for you.
To three awesome gals, my cousins Pam, Erika, & Ashley: -
(Ashley, me, Pam, & Erika @ my grandparents house back in 2000)
(Ashley, Erika, Pam, & me! With Ashley & me sort of hogging the camera just a bit, ha! I think this was taken in 1999)
Oh my, where do I start? lol Some of my most favorite & fun memories are with the three of you. Being homeschooled from the time I was in the 5th grade, I didn’t really have the “typical” teen years, but I feel like you guys provided that for me. Because of y’all I have a lot of fond memories of my teen years (& beyond).
Riding around town all day with the windows down listening to all the late 90’s pop music, talking & laughing (really loudly) for hours in my room, the totally insaneobsession we had with *Nsync (Yes, I went there :p) lol, going to *Nsync & Backstreet Boys concerts, and all the many other fun & weird things we did back then. The four of us, always together, we were such a little group. It always makes me smile thinking back on it all.
Even though now that we’re all grown up and don’t get see each other as much as we’d like, I still love you gals like crazy! And I’m so glad that we still talk and still make time to be a part of each others lives. You’ve never just been my cousins, you’ve been my friends, you’ve been my sisters. We’ve had our ups & downs over the years but we always seem to find our way back to this circle and I hope that we always will. - (Kiwi ;))
So this came in the mail for me… my welcome package & chefs “beanie” from Le Cordon Bleu!! I briefly mentioned here that I was considering going to culinary school and took a tour of Le Cordon Bleu in Austin this summer. Well I actually enrolled a couple months ago and I start in January!!! I’m going for a degree in baking & pastry which will take a little less than two years to complete.
I could not be more crazy excited and of course, a little nervous. And I must say, the chefs beanie, apart from looking slightly goofy on me, is making the whole thing seem a bit more real.
It’s funny, for as much as I have loved baking (& cooking) since I was a teenager, I honestly never even considered going to culinary school. For a while I wanted to pursue writing, as it was huge passion of mine… but that passion started to wane. When I was younger I also considered being a counselor… but that didn’t quite fit. And of course there’s always the dream in the back of my mind of playing guitar in a rock band ;). But the only dream, the only passion that has not only stuck with me but has even become stronger with time is baking.
I love it. I’m actually smiling right now just writing about it lol. Dorky, I know, but true. Spending a whole day in the kitchen baking … well, nothing makes me happier. As I said I’ve loved it since I was a teenager but in these past couple years something’s changed. It’s gone from being just a hobby to becoming a passion. And not to be over confident but since it’s become a passion I feel I have grown into an even better baker.
My dad was actually the one who mentioned culinary school. Well truthfully, he’s randomly mentioned it to both my sister & I through out our lives but I don’t think either one of us ever took it seriously. But one day last year he walked in the kitchen, tasted something I made, loved it, and told me that I should seriously think about going to culinary school. And it was like something clicked. I love doing this more than anything else, I do it all the time anyway, and I’m not too shabby at it… why am I not pursuing it??
So this summer I took a tour of Le Cordon Bleu in Austin (which is just a few hours away from where I live). If you know anything about culinary arts you know that Le Cordon Bleu is known for its excellence & is one of the top culinary schools in the world. It’s actually where the great Julia Child studied in Paris. And the Austin location did not disappoint.
Let me tell you, I fell head over heels in love with this place! Huge beautiful kitchens with lots of professional equipment, including rows of Kitchen Aid stand mixers. A restaurant that all students have to work in at some point, and a vegetable & herb garden outside.
Seeing those kitchens just put the biggest smile on my face! Seriously, I was ready to bake! I wanted to run & hug one of the Kitchen Aid stand mixers & turn to my tour guide and say, “could you please leave us alone?”. Oh and it smelt like heaven in some of those kitchens. Especially one in particular where they were cooking sauces. Needless to say, I was sold.
Life is too short to not pursue what you are truly passionate about. I honestly don’t know why it’s taken me this long. Therefore it looks like come January I will be heading to Austin to learn all I can at Le Cordon Bleu! It’s a really beautiful thing when a hobby becomes a passion. And for that passion to become a career? Well that’s the dream, isn’t it? I have no idea if that will happen for me but I’m excited to see where this path takes me. I’m excited to wake up everyday and learn about something I really love.
This post was a part of the #blogtember challenge. Today’s topic is sharing a turning point in your life… this is definitely mine. :)
Today's topic on the Blogtember challenge is advice that you always remember and has stuck with you. Well I actually wrote about this subject during the January blog a day challenge I did here. So instead of repeating myself, I will share with you a piece of advice that my mom passed down to my younger sister. A very important piece of advice my mom actually does not remember giving but my sister has carried it with her through out her life. And here it is…
Never stand behind an open cabinet door.
Yep, that’s it. Granted this was probably a random caution from a loving mother to her somewhat accident prone children but nevertheless, it stuck with my sister. Apparently we two girls got wacked in the head by cabinet doors pretty often… would explain a lot actually lol. ;)
Why, of all the advice my mom has given us over the years, this stayed with her the most, who knows. You’d probably have to be inside her brain to understand … and trust me, that’s a place you may not want to go. (I kid kid… really Cec. And if you’re reading this, I love you! :D) But c’mon, it’s gotta be a bit troublesome to my mom, right?
So there it is, folks. Mom approved advice. Do with it what you will! And watch out for those darn cabinet doors! :)
This past January I participated in a blogging challenge and really found myself loving it. There’s something about having writing prompts that gets the creative juices flowing and helps me really get back to the basics of writing & blogging. So I’ve decided to go for it again and participate in the Blogtember challenge with Jenni over at her lovely blog, Story of my Life. And I’m really excited to get to writing!
But again, as with the one I did in January, I will probably find myself slacking a little and missing a day here and there. I mean… I’m already a day late on this entry, ha! Typical. But it will be fun either way. Today’s (ahem or yesterday’s) challenge is “Where I Came From” – the people & places that made me who I am. Hope you enjoy and play along in the challenge if you’re up to it! :)
I came from my lovely grandparents on my mom's side. Whom I unfortunately didn't have the privilege of knowing very well, but always love hearing stories about. Stories that I still ask my mom to repeat. For some reason, especially when I'm sad... the stories of her childhood, of her parents, and siblings can always make me smile.
I came from these two very special people. My grandparents on my dad's side. Oh how I miss them. My parents, my younger sister, and I lived with them till I was almost 16 years old. So naturally, I was super close and attached to them. I do not even think I could begin to recount to you all the amazing ways they influenced my life and shaped who I am. Put simply, I'm better for having known them.
I came from my loving parents. A dad who's a pastor (& of whom I'm sure I got my love of baking from), a mom who's always been an amazing homemaker. They taught my sister and I what it means to love & serve God & others. I see them in myself (& in my sister) more & more with each passing day.. and I'm blessed to think for the most part, that's a really good thing. I love that they are not only my parents but have become my friends as well.
(A photo of my grandparents house at Christmas. It was my grandpa’s tradition to deck out the house at the holidays.)
I came from this house, my grandparents house, which was pretty small... yet somehow always chock full of family. Picnics in the back yard, a best friend right across the street, cousins to play Barbie's with. A grandpa that would sometimes play his saxophone very loudly (but beautifully) very early in the morning, a grandma who made the best homemade tortilla's ever. A house that has both good & bad memories attached to it. A house that a lot of life and growing up happened in. Oh dear, if those walls could speak.. ha!
I came from a family where God, family, music, and food were always four of the most important things.
I came from this church, where my dad is the pastor, and this house (where I still currently live). A church that my mom's dad was the pastor of when she was a teenager and the house they lived in at that time. A place with so much family history. A place that I'm getting ready to leave very soon. Admittedly, it will be hard. It's been home for so long and it will always be special to me.
A small town with a name that means "Palace"... and if you live here that seems very ironic lol. Really, I suppose it's not so bad... it's cute even. It's just that there's not much here. We don't have a mall, a movie theater, or even a stinkin' Walmart. But we do have a pretty bay front...
and a big statue of Jesus watching over all the many shrimpers in the area. :D No, I make fun but I'm positive I'll be sentimental about it once I move.
So this is where I came from. All these people and places have in some way shaped who I am. They are and always will be pieces of me. I came from years of some happy & some sad. Some light & some dark. Some good & some bad. Just like everyone else. This journey of mine, this background, has been far from perfect but it's mine. And I'm thankful for it.
