Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Speak To Me

I hate starring at a blank page. Sometimes it feels like I have nothing yet everything to say...I just can't figure out how to say it. Yet I still grab a pen and a paper and attempt to string words together that express the way I feel.

For some reason, since I was 17, I've been writing those thoughts and feelings down in song lyrics. Just lyrics, not music...so technically I can't even call them songs. I guess I could call them potential songs. Yeah, that works right? These "potential songs" have been my voice when I felt I didn't have one. They have been my way of figuring out pain and fear, and God's way of healing me and giving me hope. Most importantly I feel these lyrics have been God's way of getting through to me. How is it possible that God uses your own art to minister to you? It truly does amaze me. My relationship with God is often worked out in these "potential songs". Music, even at a young age, had a hugely profound effect on my relationship with God. Beautiful music about Jesus built a strong foundation for me as a kid. As a 17 year old it became my way of wrestling with my faith. I also started playing piano more and more. Which was not only another form of expression for me, but gave me a way of worshiping God through different things I was going through. I feel like God revealed himself to me through these simple art forms.

I was so excited when I wrote my first lyric at 17. It seemed to come so naturally, so easily. I was sure it had to be God because I am definitely not a writer. Were the lyrics I wrote at that time particularly good? Some were, a lot of them weren't. Are the lyrics I write now any good? Well I think other people would have to be the judge of that but I think they just might be. Will these "potential songs" ever become living breathing songs? Will they ever be heard by anyone?

I honestly have no idea. But I don't really think that's the point. I truly believe that God allowed me to write these lyrics so he could get through to me. So he could speak to me and have me actually listen. It gave me a way of communicating to him and worshiping him when I didn't know how to do it in any other way. It's funny that God can work through your gifts and talents to ultimately touch YOU. To speak to you. To heal you. I can honestly say that writing has been the way God has brought so much healing and wholeness into my life. A lot of lyrics that I wrote at 17 were born out of pain and fear. Still to this day songs are born out of that place. But at 17 it was mostly about the pain, now at 24, it's mostly about the healing.

Whatever gifts and talents God has given you , be faithful and obedient to let God develop them and use them. Whether you think God is going to use them on a big scale or small scale, keep writing, singing, playing, dancing, painting, sculpting, cooking....and let God bless and minister not only to others, but also to you. He will use your own art to get through to you when nothing else can. My lyrics have been the way God has spoken for me, through me, and ultimately spoken to me.

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