Things I Love (December List) ~

Hope everyone had a very blessed and merry Christmas! Below is a little list of some of the things that I've been loving throughout the month of December.


1. The word "Lovely" - How can you use the word "lovely" and not feel happy inside? For instance, "That dress is so lovely" sounds way better than "That dress is so pretty". Or at least I think so. Just a classy word.


2. Inspiring and artistic blogs - When I need inspiration and something to spark my creativity, these are the blogs I go to:

A Beautiful Mess - http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/

Bleubird Vintage - http://bleubirdvintage.tyepad.com/

M. Writes - http://martawrites.blogspot.com/

Everyday Musings - http://www.olivia-rae.com/

Rockstar Diaries - http://taza-and-husband.blogspot.com/

Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things - http://www.jennysimmons.com/

3. Wearing my Grandma's pearls - I love the pearl necklace my Grandma gave me years ago. My Grandma is still alive but at almost 90 years old, her health is in a very fragile state and she's not the same as she used to be. I wore this necklace for the first time this Thanksgiving to honor her and all that she used to do, but is not able to do anymore, at this time of year. And I felt so proud to have her pearls around my neck.

4. Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas music - I love the jazzy and classy sound of Ella Fitzgerald, and I fell in love with the magical way she sings Christmas classics such as "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow".

5. Hot Chocolate - Being the crazy chocolate lover that I am, I suppose it make sence that a nice, warm cup of hot chocolate is one my favorite drinks, especially at this time of year. I ordered this hot chocolate from the coffee shop in my town. Every year I say I'm going to make a recipe I found for hot chocolate that's made with a chocolate ganache base. It sounds so good and is supposed to be really rich and creamy. Hopefully I'll finally make it before winter is over.

6. Our Christmas Tree - This is a picture of our living room a couple days before Christmas. Can't believe Christmas is over, I'm not ready to take our pretty tree down yet.

7. Cupcake Ornament - My sister and I are a little obsessed with all things cupcake, so our cousin bought us this adorable cupcake ornament to hang on our tree. We kinda love it. :)

8. Scarfs - Never really wore scarfs very much, but for some reason, I'm really loving them this winter.

9. "Wishing For This" by Leigh Nash -This beautiful song has become one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. The honesty of the lyrics is what drew me to it:

"Drop your hands into this heart of mine, oh how it needs lifted. I wanna forgive and I need to be forgiven. I wanna let live and I need to do some livin'. I wanna find a light this Christmas night with you".

To download "Wishing For This" for free go to:
http://www.amazon.com/Wishing-For-This/dp/B002OXQ4ZG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1262257080&sr=8-1-fkmr0

10. Coffee Cozy from www.redvelvetart.com - I really didn't know that people made such things as "coffee cozys"... that is until I stumbled upon them on redvelvetart.com (my new favorite online store). I really don't know if I would ever use a coffee cozy but it's just so cute it makes me want to buy 5 of them to keep on hand in my purse...and if I see anyone with coffee in hand, I would offer them one...then they'd look at me like I was a freak and walk away scared. :)

11. "No Christmas For Me" by Zee Avi - A cute acoustic Christmas song by a new and somewhat unknown artist from Malaysia. I heard this song on Sirius radio and fell in love with it. The song is featured on a Christmas compilation cd entitled "This Warm December - A Brushfire Holiday Vol. 1". New artist Zee Avi's music is worth checking out.

To check out the music of Zee Avi and purchase this song go to:http://www.amazon.com/No-Christmas-For-Me/dp/B001NB36ZG/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=dmusic&qid=1262256884&sr=8-5

Just Wondering

I wrote this lyric about 3 years ago, but somehow, it feels really appropriate for this season of life. This is a lyric about the relationships in our lives that seem to change and disconnect almost overnight. One day you're close to someone and then, what feels like the next day, you find that you've grown apart. And somehow, there's now a distance that seems impossible to cross. An invisible chasm keeping you from getting to that person.

People change and go in different directions, and when this happens, it leaves you wondering. Wondering if that connection was so important to both of you, why didn't you do more to protect it? It leaves you wondering if it can be saved and if that bridge can be crossed. Wondering if it's worth it.


Just Wondering

Hello, how's your day been? Haven't talked for a while so I was just wondering. So much has changed, and pictures only tell of what was back in the day. Growing up isn't as easy as we hoped it would be. Or as familiar as our small town's streets. As our lives stretch in different ways will this connection disintegrate or sustain?

(Chorus)
So I'm just wondering, how deep do the waters run? So I'm just wondering, how far is the valley from the sun? I miss you but I can't figure out how to get to you. So I'm just wondering, do you even want me to?

Oh I just want to be real with you. So much superficial mud to get through. No, I wouldn't lie but I'm just having trouble telling you what I think you should hear tonight.

(Repeat chorus)

No more fake, no more phony, just honesty. Don't wanna lose this closeness. It's slipping through our fingers so fast, faster than sand in an hour glass. And soon the waves will crash and the clocks second hand will pass. Soon it could all be over, all in the past. Oh friend, I'm afraid of that.

(Repeat chorus 2x)

Hello, how's your day been? You haven't asked me for a while. Are you even wondering?


(C) Krystal Celeste

November Music & Book List

Being the music and book freak that I am, I thought I would start a blog highlighting a list of what I'm listening to and reading each month. So here is my list for the month of November...

Music:

Hello Hurricane by Switchfoot -

I listened to this whole cd in one sitting and fell in love. If you've read my review below of Switchfoot's 7th studio album "Hello Hurricane", then I suppose it's no secret that I am a bit head over heels with this beautiful collection of songs. I pre-ordered this cd and received it in the mail 4 days before its November 10th release date, and it didn't take long for it to cement itself into my cd collection and into my heart. "Hello Hurricane" was my musical highlight of November and possibly the year.

Beautiful History by Plumb -

Plumb, aka Tiffany Arbuckle Lee, has been one of my very favorite artists since I heard "Sobering" back 1998. Now, in 2009, she has released her official hits collection entitled "Beautiful History". Updated fan favorites and two new songs makes this a must have for any Plumb fan. Since I bought this cd I haven't stopped listening to "Here With Me (2010)" and new song "Beautiful History". Beautiful history indeed! This collection is the perfect way to rediscover the music of such a creative and wonderfully unique artist.

25th Birthday Mix Cd -

I celebrated my 25th birthday a few weeks ago on November 5th. I didn't set out to make "a birthday mix" per se, I was actually just making a mix cd to listen to in the car for a little birthday trip I was taking the next day, but it soon became a bit more than that. The songs I ended up choosing started to create a mix that seemed to sum up my birthday and my year. Some of the songs I included are:

Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

Motion by Plumb

Let's Dance by Hawk Nelson

Daylight by Remedy Drive

Amazing Because It Is by The Almost

Unbreakable by Fireflight

November by Tristan Prettyman

Less Like Scars by Sara Groves

Grace by Phil Whickham

Tme by Chantal Kreviazuk

Boston by Augustana

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

Blessed by Brett Dennen

Deciphering Me by Brooke Fraser

In Your Hands by Krystal Meyers

Pray For Me by Plumb

River God by Nichole Nordeman

Twenty Four by Switchfoot

Books:

The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg -

I found this book in the discount section of the Christian bookstore I frequent. My sister bought it but it's been in my hands for the last month or so. This book to me is such a gem. Margaret shares very honestly and articulately about the experiences that have made Jesus real in her life. The ways He has shown himself to be real, faithful, and true in her everyday life, and how we can experience that same power. I have truly learned so much from this book.

Pure by Rebecca St. James -

Christian artist/author Rebecca St. James has always been known for her bold and outspoken stance on purity. I grew up listening to Rebecca and being inspired by her message. Still to this day, I look up to her as a good example of what a Godly woman should strive to be in this day and age. Over the years I have learned a lot from the wisdom she has shared. I recently purchased her book "Pure - A 90 Day Devotional for the Mind, Body, and Spirit." I love how in this book Rebecca takes her message of sexual purity and expands it to encompass all areas our lives that need purification. It's a very easy read with each devotion being only a page or two long. Rebecca shares her personal stories as well as scripture and talks about how we can apply it to our lives. I'm only on day 43 right now, but I already feel like I'm learning so much more about what it means to live a pure life before God.

Relevant Magazine with Jon Foreman on the cover (Nov/Dec 09) -

I love Relevant magazine and used to subscribe, but since my subscription ran out I haven't been able to get it renewed again. Recently at Hastings I found the Nov/Dec. issue with Jon Foreman (Switchfoot) on the cover. I was really excited and somewhat surprised that they had it seeing as how I can never find it anywhere. If you're a Switchfoot or Jon Foreman fan you will love this issue. The interview they did with Jon is so good. He talks in depth about their new cd "Hello Hurricane", and what has been going on in their lives these past couple years. Definitely an issue that is not to be missed.

Morning...

It's 7am. Everyone in my house is asleep right now, everyone that is but me. It's a very pretty November morning. The sun is shining through my blinds and I can hear birds chirping. At this moment it is making my heart feel happy and inspired. There's something about a sunrise that feels hopeful and inspiring. I need that. I need more sunrises. It reminds me of a line in one of my favorite songs by Augustana called "Boston", the line says -"I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset." That's how I've been feeling for a while now. I need a sunrise, the sunset is just not as beautiful as it used to be. I need the new. And whenever I forget that, watching the sun rise seems to always remind me. It reminds me of what is worth living for. Hope. Hope for what is brand new. Hope for what is not yet but will be. I think 7am is a perfect time to write. I like being the only one awake in the morning, it's a good time to be alone with my thoughts, talk to God, write, read. I need to do that more often. I've always been quite a night owl but truth be told, I'm a night owl that actually longs to be an early bird. I would love to get up early in the morning and pray. Or go to a cute cafe and just read and write. I've always thought that sounded really nice. Grab my mp3 player, journal, and a good book and just hang out at a cafe all morning just sounds good. Or maybe I'm romanticizing it a bit... I can do that sometimes.

Lately I have really been feeling God doing a work in my heart. Changing me, making me new like the sunrise. Molding me and sculpting me more into the woman he wants me to be. I'm becoming more myself I think. I've always felt that we are the closest to who we truly are when we are our closest to God. I've been trying to pray more faithfully than I had been and it's amazing because I really feel it changing me. I have been challenged in a lot of ways lately to grow in so many different areas of my life. To let God have his perfect and pleasing will in me. I feel like more and more I'm seeing people just settle for whatever comes along in life, settle for so much less than God has for them. It hurts my heart to see people I care about letting go of the hope they had in God's plan for them. I understand it because it is hard to wait for what God has for you. But yet I don't understand it because He's the God of the Universe. He has so much for you...it's too much and too good for you to miss out on because you were tired of waiting. But I feel so inspired and challenged to wait and to never settle for anything but God's perfect and pleasing will for my life. It's all I want. I don't mean this in a self righteous way at all but lately all I can think is, even if everyone around me compromises, I will be the one who doesn't. Even if everyone around me settles for less than God's best, I will never settle. By the grace of God I will keep my head above water and wait for his perfect pleasing will in my life. He is my sunrise. He is my hope for brand new. He is the source of what is not yet, but what will be. Praise you Jesus!

Review of “Hello Hurricane” by Switchfoot

"I feel like with this record, the motto was, what are the songs you want to die singing?" That is what Switchfoot frontman, Jon Foreman said about the songs on their 7th studio album Hello Hurricane. My first thought about Hello Hurricane was that these truly are songs you would die singing. They're songs that are so meaningful and true that they are destined to walk through life with you. You can really tell that this is the guy's blood, sweat, and tears. Every song is a testament to how much they poured their heart and soul into this record. To me, Hello Hurricane begs to be listened to in order, from the first track, "Needle And Haystack Life", to the last track, "Red Eyes".

 

It's one of those rare albums where skipping any tracks would not give you the full experience. And in my opinion, it is an experience. Every single song has a very specific purpose and place. You can tell that they were very intentional about the placement of the songs because it really is the most cohesive record they've ever made. When you listen to the whole cd in order you feel like you've been taken on a journey. That's the best way I can describe Hello Hurricane, as a journey.

When you hear the cd opener "Needle And Haystack Life" you get the sense that this journey is just beginning, as you hear Jon sing the energetic rock chorus -"In this needle and haystack life I've found miracle's there in your eyes. It's no accident we're here tonight. We are once in a lifetime". I can imagine this song as the perfect way to open a live show. I loved the line "It's no accident we're here tonight", seeing as how that's how I always feel at their shows. Next track and lead single, "Mess Of Me" is a gritty rock song where Foreman and company loudly declare - "I've made a mess of me. I wanna spend the rest of my life alive." I love the bridge when you hear Jon wailing over the guitar "There ain't no drug, no drug to make me well". It really drives home the point that there is nothing this world can sell us that can cure our pain. "Free" is an emotional cry for freedom that's only found in Christ - "Free, come set me free. Down on my knees, I still believe you can save me from me. Come set me free. Inside this shell there's a prison cell".

 

"The Sound (John M. Perkins' Blues)" opens with crunchy guitars and an almost eerie sounding build to a pounding rock chorus. Title track "Hello Hurricane" has sort of an indie/rock feel to me. It's a song about hope in the face of pain - "Hello Hurricane you can't silence my love." "Bullet Soul" is a rock anthem for the "dreamers" - "You can't stand by forever. You're a kid with a bullet soul. Are you ready to go?" I love how Jon screams that line at the end. But I have to say out of all the songs on this cd the two that most have my heart are "Always" and "Sing It Out". "Always" is a beautiful piano based ballad that probably has the simplest yet most profound chorus, as Jon repeats the line - "I am always yours". The song builds to a powerful bridge - "Hallelujah! I'm caving in. Hallelujah! I'm in love again. Hallelujah! I'm a wretched man. Hallelujah! Every breath is a second chance." The worshipful ballad "Sing It Out" gave me goose bumps and just about made me cry upon first listen. The song starts off with an eerie sound as the verse speaks of losing the song of your soul. It then moves into Jon's beautiful vocal loudly and powerfully singing a prayer of sorts - "Sing it out. Sing it out. Take what is left of me, make it a melody. Sing it out. Sing out loud. I can't find the words to sing you'd be my remedy. My song. I'll sing with what's left of me." It just totally broke me. That song is my life's prayer.

 

The cd closes with "Red Eyes" which asks the question - "With red eyes what are you looking for?". I love how at the very end of this song you hear it going back to lines from the first track "Needle And Haystack life" - "I've found miracle's there in your eyes. It's no accident we're here tonight. We are once in a lifetime". It really ties the whole record together and makes for an unforgettable ending.

It's really hard to put into words just how much these songs mean to me. I really feel like this album redefines who Switchfoot is as a band. It feels like a whole new level and a whole new season for them. In my opinion Hello Hurricane is their best effort to date. It is in every sense of the word what my sister would call "a life cd", in that these songs were made to stay with you throughout your life.

 

Pick “Hello Hurricane” up here

When Will We Rise?

I let my fears get the best of me. They rage and roar inside of me. I can't seem to be the person you made me to be locked in the prison of my frailty. I've once again come to the peace forsaken bed where failure rests and lays it's tired head. Now regret has blinded my eyes and planned my demise. But I can't help but ask, When we will rise? When will we rise?

{Chorus}
Rise above the flames, the pain that's calling our name. Rise above the fear that's kept us down, tied up and bound. Rise above regret, the things you just can't seem to forget. Rise in a new way. Rise to never be the same. When will we rise? When will we rise?


I can see so clearly the girl I'm supposed to be. It's like she's standing right in front of me. But I can't speak, when I move to become her, I'm too weak. So close yet oh so far. The things I've let slip, slip through my fingertips. How do I forgive myself? When will I rise? When will I rise?


{Repeat Chorus}

I will remember this day, as much as I may want to forget. I will rise from this valley of regret. Can't turn back the clock to try to stop this mistake pile up. But I can let you grow me into somebody who lives freely. No more being weighed down.

{Repeat Chorus 2x}

(C) Krystal Celeste

Le voyage passionné

You know that part in the Notebook where Allie, right before she goes back to Seabrook, walks into her fiance's office and with tears in her eyes says, "I don't paint anymore."?

I kinda feel like that lately. It may sound funny, but I could relate to Allie when she said this. Was Allie crying specifically about not painting anymore? No. But I think it had something to do with the fact that she felt far away from the freedom of who she truly was. Remembering who she no longer was. Realizing who she wanted to be. And sometimes that's a painful place to be. So, all this to say...

I don't play piano or guitar anymore.

This may seem like a small and insignificant fact to you. Or like disinterest, or just sheer laziness on my part. And it may be a little bit of those things. But mostly I think it's the fact that lately, I kinda feel far away from the freedom of who I truly am. A disconnect of sorts.

For whatever reason, I seem to have given up a lot of things that I love. I couldn't tell you exactly why. Things happen, life happens, and now I feel like passion and color have been drained from my life. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's laziness. Maybe it's apathy. Probably a little of all the above.

It's not just the things I love that I seem to have put on the back burner but also the purpose God has given me. God has called all of us to go on a journey with him. A journey to live the calling he's put on our lives. I have felt the nudge from the Lord many times. The call to go on this journey to becoming. A passionate journey to being all he's created me to be. But I've resisted. I've ran. It's more than time to hand over my running shoes to him and let him work in me. To let him take me on the journey to living with purpose and passion.

I want to play my piano again. I want to play for hours, coming up with my own melodies, getting all excited like I'm about to write the best song ever written. I want to strum for hours on my pink acoustic guitar, then switch to the old acoustic guitar my grandpa gave me when I was a teenager, getting tons of calluses on the fingertips of my "desperately in need of a manicure" hands, all frustrated because I still can't tune the darn thing to save my life. I want to put music on in the kitchen and bake and bake to my hearts content. I want to create. If for no other reason than just to sate the creativity that my Creator put inside of me.

And to do that, all these seemingly simple and mundane things, makes me feel more free somehow. It's important. It's the way I'm wired.

Creativity makes me tic. Whimsy makes me tic. Inspiration in unexpected places and times. The satisfaction of coming up with a great line for my song, making the perfect fudge brownie, my fingers on the piano keys, reading a book so good it provokes thoughts that turn into a song, pretty notebooks and journals, the perfect song at the perfect moment, a song so beautiful it's breathtaking and heartstopping, the rare moments that you remember to be still and know that He is God.

I want to live like that and for that. I want to start doing the things I love again. And become more of who I really am. I want to passionately, and purposefully take this journey to becoming all God's created me to be.

Maybe It's Time and Bitter And Angry...

Anger is a scary emotion. Anger, if you let it can turn into rage, and rage if you let it can ruin a lot of people's lives.

I'll be honest and say that I've struggled with some anger issues in my life. You probably won't know this unless your pretty close to me,{such a sad but true statement isn't it?} since I'm normally upbeat and easy to get along with. That's the problem with anger, it's a lot of times reserved for the people who are closest to you. I have had a lot of anger of my own to deal with and a lot of anger from other people to deal with as well. I hate it very much. Both sides of the spectrum are just plain ugly. Being angry yourself and being around an angry person, it's all the same, ugly. Anger and rage are extremely ugly emotions. They make you feel out of control... and just lost. I have known my share of angry and enraged people... I hate to admit it... but I kinda come from a long line of 'em.

Some of them are people I've never met and will never meet...but they are in my family tree none the less. Recently, I was looking at an old photo album I had found at my grandma's house, it was mostly full of black and white photos of people I'd never known. So I asked my dad if he knew who all these people were. He sat down next to me and for the next hour told me all about the people in the black and white photos who turned out to be my great aunts and uncles, 2nd and 3rd cousins, and my great grandparents. My dad told me stories about these people that I heard bits and pieces of throughout my life but never in depth. To put it bluntly, they were an angry and enraged bunch of folk. Not really the kind of family you want to sit down and have dinner with. And to be perfectly honest, not the kind you want to claim either lol. But they are a part of my family tree all the same, whether I ever knew them or not. It was very unsettling to know that that kind of cruelty and hatred is in my family tree. Not really the warm and fuzzy feelings you would think would come with looking at an old family photo album. No sir, no warm and fuzzy's there.

All those people in the black and white photos may be a part of my family but one thing that separates us from each other is that... they didn't know Jesus. They didn't know, or rather didn't believe, that they could surrender all the anger and all the rage to Jesus Christ, their creator. To a king who came off his throne to die on a cross for them so they wouldn't have to live in their anger and bitterness. So they could have life and have it more abundantly. And most importantly, so they didn't have to die in their anger and rage. I'm sooo beyond thankful that I know that. I wish they had known that too.

God has done such a work in my life over the years and delivered me from so much of that anger. Every now and again it starts to creep back in, as with any sin if you're not daily dying to self, daily dying to your flesh. Whatever it is your dealing with, it is a daily surrendering. It's waking up everyday and being reborn. Giving it all over to him because you will never be strong enough to do it on your own. So you give it to him. You put that burden on his shoulders and trust him to carry it, after all, you were never meant to.

I wrote these two lyrics like 3 or 4 years ago. They're about the angry people you love and pray for and hope for. The ones you hope will see they don't have to live this way. The ones you are hoping will drop their "fighting stance" long enough to give them a hug. Here's hoping....


Maybe It's Time

I hear your mouth speak but the words are muted. I hear your heart crying out but your lips won't admit it. Anger falls from your lips like water when your mouth is numb. So you succumb, cause you know as well as I do, it feels better to win.

You don't want to give in, because to you giving in means losing.

(Chorus)
Maybe it's time, maybe it's time to lose. Maybe it's time to stop the excuse. Saying you're sorry doesn't change your ways. The monster will still escape from it's cage. So maybe it's time, maybe it's time to lose the rage.

Chaos ensues in the war zone of your brain. You let the fear in. You let the debris rain. Rain, rain down, we're all soaked and bleeding on the ground. Oh this struggle is not for the faint of heart. This flesh is a losing battle from the start.


You are dying not to lose, but you are already lost.

(Repeat Chorus)

Oh how can I live if I've never died? How can I be resurrected when I've never been crucified? How can I be saved from Jekyll and Hyde? The only way to find what I've lost is to surrender this fight.

(Repeat Chorus 2x)



Bitter And Angry

Let go of the ghost, the ghost of the past. You live in bitterness and it's drowning you fast. Your rage may be justified but realize it must be crucified. You hold on to your anger with a tight grip and refuse to surrender it. Now you're chained in bitterness with no hope for deliverance. Oh I hear you say "God how could you? My will to live you've taken away." But remember, he is present in our pain. He is the author and finisher of our faith.

(Chorus)
He's walking toward you, don't you see him? He's saying please let me carry your burden. He holds out his hands and places them on your heart and heals every scar. Takes the chains off your wrists and makes you whole again. He's come to set your heart free. He suffered so you wouldn't have to die bitter and angry.


You don't just hold on to your past, you superglue it to your hands. But you don't control it, it controls you. Loss gives us an excuse to lose ourselves. Oh but it's a selfish path when anger and self pity fill up like water in your bath. We all have scars of our past that sometimes try to carry us back. But we can put them in a file called forgiveness and under a gift called the blood of Jesus.

(Repeat Chorus)


Oh what did he die for? What did he die for if not to save and to heal what this world tries to kill?


(Repeat Chorus 2x)



(C) Krystal Celeste

To Live And Not Hide

I actually wrote this one back in 2005 and just barely typed it up last night, go figure. :) I really wasn't sure if I was going to post it or not but my sister read it today and said it was her favorite. She's kind of my go to person, whenever I write something she's always the first one to read it. She told me if she could tattoo it on her she would...if you know my sis you know that's a high compliment lol. ;) So since she seemed to really like it I thought I would go ahead and put it up here. This is another one I wrote at like 4am, I tend to write better on little sleep. It holds a very special place in my heart. :)


To Live And Not Hide

I want to travel to places near and far. I want to fall deeply in love with my life and live it passionately, shining like the luminous stars. I want to smile and laugh and have that everlasting joy that is contagious enough to make you smile just as big as I. Yeah, I want to fly to a place where my heart and the heavens collide. Breathe in and breathe deep. Run like there are no boundaries. Sail away with new dreams dreamed and fulfilled each day. Say everything I have to say till my heart is understood in every way. I want to store up my treasures in Heaven and not on this temporary earth. Spend eternity basking in the sunlight of this rebirth. I want to express myself with a pen in my hand and a song in my confused yet hopeful heart. I want to dream of you intimately knowing every little part. I want to love like there's no tomorrow. Head for bluer skies and search for deeper water. I want to dance all night in Paris with the man God's chosen to love me forever. And even if it's only in our dreams we'll travel the world together. I want to submerge my fears in your healing tide, and finally be brave enough to live and not hide.


(C) Krystal Celeste

Confessions Of The Nameless... {Beautiful & Broken}

I have a confession to make. It is something I try to hide most of the time...but really, I know that everyone already knows this little so called secret....


The truth is, I have a lot of trouble opening up to people and letting them get to know the real me. I have a hard time being myself with people. I'm the type of person who has a horrible tendencey to listen to other peoples problems (I'm a good listener) and not share my own. I have to fight the fact that I'm not good at opening up to people, and that sometimes I can get a bit too comfortable with that....


I by nature can be quite a hard person to get know. I'm really careful about who I let my guard down with and how much. Way too carefull really. I've always been like this, and it has always been my down fall. Even blogging on websites like these feels scary when I realize doing that means I'm sharing my heart with complete strangers....not an easy thing to do when you have a hard time being open and honest with even the people you're closest to. Really, I thought being like this was a good way to protect myself, but all it ever did was put me in a self imposed prison cell. A place I was never meant to be.


When I was a child, I was always been labeled as "shy", and "quiet". Which to the people who labeled me as such, it was just their simple, natural way of describing me. I don't believe they meant any harm by it. But to me, those labels felt like a brand, a permanent stamp across my forehead. To be fair, they were, at times, very true statements of how I was, but they weren't all that I was. Labels, however true they seem, are no less damaging. Maybe I'm alone in feeling this way, but I felt that those labels gave me no choice but to play that specific role. Even though it was so far from who I really was, that was who I had to be, and there was no hope for becoming anything more. And I've spent my life trying to rewrite this role, but I seem to mostly fail at it.


Some people in my life would say that a large amount of this problem comes from the fact I was homeschooled. But the whole " typical homeschool stereotype" is not always as true as most people would like to claim it is. I went to public school till the last part of 5th grade. And I acredit that time in public school to blame for most of my shyness and awkwardness. School was always hell for me. It wasn't the work, I made mostly A's and B's. That wasn't the problem at all. It was the fact that at school (not at home, mind you) I was mostly a very quiet child. And I learned very, very fast that was not okay. So both kids and teachers would label me as shy, and quiet. I was labeled as the kid that didn't talk. I remember walking through the lunch line as a little 1st grader and over hearing even the lunch ladys say "There's that kid who never talks, I think there's something wrong with her." I suddenly felt ashamed of how I was, and started to in fact believe that just maybe there was something wrong with me.


At home, I was a completely different child. I had friends and close cousins that I played with. I would talk and laugh and be me. When I started homeschooling at the end of my 5th grade year, my life changed. I all of the sudden started getting out of a lot of my shyness. It was and still is at times a battle. But for me, at that time in my life, I became a totally different kid. One that felt secure in who I was.


Although, I'm not trying to advocate homeschooling in this blog, and it certaintly isn't for everyone, it was a saving grace for me in many ways at that time. It has it's good points and it's definite downfalls. But that was my specifc journey. School was the place I knew I couldn't be me. And trust me, I know that there have been kids who were labeled way worse than I ever was. But at any level, it is a truly amazing thing to see how the damage sticks with you. How these labels, if you let them, will define you for the rest of your life.


It's funny to think that, at first, I never felt like the things I was labeled as. But sooner or later, you become that part. It's not that I didn't want to break out of it, I just never knew how. You take up that role because you do not feel permission to be anything else. That's who people know you as and that's how they expect you to be. Or maybe they never really did, but that's how I felt at least. You feel like they think this is all you are and all you'll ever be. It is your name. Not just metaphorically speaking either. I have had people introduce me (and I'm sure some of you have to) and say "This is Krystal, she is really shy." So in essence, it became my name. It became me. But yet in my heart I knew I was always so much more than just that.


Madeleine L'Engle says:"To be given a name is an act of intimacy as powerful as any act of love."


I longed to be given a name. I needed to know that people knew I was more than those labels. She goes on to say:


"It seems more than ever the compulsion today is to identify, to reduce someone to what is on the label. To identify is to control, to limit. To love is to call by name and so open the wide gates of creativity. But we forget names and turn to labels. If we are pigeon-holed and labeled we are unnamed."


I confess I truly let myself be pigeon-holed. I let myself be nameless for a long time. I let myself be placed into a box, a small one at that. I know that in our society people will always label us, always put us in boxes. But we are just too big for these boxes and too complex to be defined. There are so many different layers to a person. Layers that are not always visible at first. Different people, situations, and enviroments will bring out different layers in each person. It's like with God, our society will always try to put him in a box that he is way too big to fit. They will always try to define him, but he is way too complex to fit any definition. These boxes and labels will never contain him. If we are made in the image of God, I can only conclude that we to, are way too big for the narrow boxes that could never possibly contain us.


For so long these labels made me feel like I had to protect myself. Keep a strong guard up, even in my friendships. But I'm sick of doing that. It's taking the easy way out. How can you have real friendships and relationships when you can't share your heart with people? I want my friends and family to feel like they can tell me anything. I feel blessed when they come to me and entrust me with their heart. But I feel like I've robbed them of that same blessing by not sharing my heart with them. I feel like you need to carry the full weight of who you are into all your relationships. Being open and honest brings healing to your life and your friends lives. For when you share a part of your heart with someone, and let them into your struggles, pains, fears, joys, dreams, hopes, you give them permission to do the same. I'm learning that more and more each day.

I'm blessed to have people in my life that love me, who know I'm more than a label. Who give me a name everyday, and I thank God for that. I feel challenged to finally start letting my guard come down. Being more open and honest in my friendships. And also challenged to start getting to know people and letting them get to know me. I'm tiried of being so hard get to know. By the grace of God, I will learn to let people in. It will be a process, but I know that it will get easier.

It took me years to realize (and I still need to be reminded) that "shy" isn't my name. "Quiet" isn't my name. "Awkward" isn't my name. God knows my real name. He calls me "Beloved".

Krystal*


This is a lyric I wrote a few years ago about being labeled and unnamed. A lot of this lyric was also inspired by the book "Walking On Water:Reflections on Faith And Art" by Madeleine L'Engle. Which I would recommend to all artists. I learned so much through that book. We are all so broken but he makes us so beautiful through him.


*Beautiful & Broken*
We are born beautiful and broken. We grow up incomplete and uncertain. Each of us with a different crippled limb. Oh she tried so hard to fit in but she was labeled a misfit. She said "Everyone's gotten so used to it that I guess it's just easier this way. Everytime they walk by they convince me why there's no hope for change."


{Chorus}
But with you I can walk on water in spite of my broken legs. I can speak to angels who call my name. With you I'm more than they tell me I'll ever be. I'm healed, made whole and holy in my ever limited human skin. You are the God of the beautiful and broken.


We are born beautiful and broken. We grow up scared and insecure. Every part of us crying out for your holy perfection. For more than this broken reflection. We don't belong in a box with a double lock. I want to grow and overflow like the tree outside my window. They'll try to tell you who you really are. A label will either define you or make you search for your true definition.


{Repeat Chorus}


They give me a label when I'd rather have a name. For a name is an intimate gesture in the everyday mundane. Only you allow me to become, you give me room to grow. You are the beautiful that has healed my broken soul.


{Repeat Chorus 2x}



(C) Krystal Celeste

Inspiration...

"In art we are once again able to do all things we have forgotten. We are able to walk on water, we speak to angels who call us, we move unfettered among the stars." - Madeleine L'Engle


"If you’re an artist or creative person of some kind, your artistic “digestive system” is your heart, mind and senses, your soul. So if something affects your soul, it affects your art" - Brooke Fraser


"We write, we make music, we draw pictures, because we are listening for meaning, feeling for healing. And during the writing of the story or the painting or the composing or singing or playing, we are returned to that open creativity which was ours when we were children. We cannot be mature artists if we have lost the ability to believe that which we had as children An artist at work is in a condition of complete and total faith." - Madeleine L'Engle


"Our sacred calling is supernatural expression in which we endevor, through a creative act, to participate in all creation." - Sufjan Stevens


"If it's truthful, it's gospel. Meaning if it's truthful, it's good news." - author David Dark

"When the words mean more than the writer knew they meant, the writer has been listening. And when we listen we are led into places we do not expect, into adventures we do not understand." ~ Madeleine L'Engle

"Christians need not, because of our God of abundance, always be so concerned about the evident utility of everything that we do. We are called to worship a God who is interested in whimsy and not just utility. Cultivating art is one of the ways we do that." - Laura Winner


"I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to let your God given creativity surface. The world needs you. The church needs you. We need your ideas, your insights, your colors, Your contribution. What you are passionate about was created in you to make a splash in this life that no one else can make. Make it now." - Nicole Johnson


"Writers are like spies who keep their eyes on suspicous characters, working on espionage, taking notes, observing particulars that everyone else overlooked, scouring the world for clues of meaning." - Soren Kierkegaard


"A bad Christian artist only tells the story of the gospel and the way he thinks the world is, based on what Christianity has told him. A good Christian artist is one who has lived the Christian story and is no longer trying to convince anyone of it's reliability." - Matt Odmark


"You can sing about the light, or you can sing about what you see because of the light. I prefer the latter." - T-bone Burnett


"The great artists keep us from frozeness, from smugness, from thinking the truth is in us rather than in God, in Christ our Lord. They help us to know that we are often closer to God in our doubts than in our certainties, that it is alright to be like a small child who constantly asks: why, why, why?" - Madeleine L'Engle


"Perhaps art is seeing the obvious in such a new light that the old becomes new." - Madeleine L'Engle


"Poetry takes something that we know already and turns it into something new." - T.S. Eliot


"Ultimately when your writing, you stop thinking, and write what you hear." - Madeleine L'Engle


"Whatever coaxes us out of hiding, to write, record, and express, is a revolutionary act. It says that we believe our lives count: Our lives do count." S.A.R.K


"Paint images as if you were an artist putting brush to canvas. You are not simply picking words at random. You are painting with words." -


"Writing is important, beautiful, silly, sexy, and sometimes dangerous." -


"The place God calls you to is a place where your deep gladness and the worlds deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner


"When you really let music become a part of you, it tells you what it wants to say." - Cindy Morgan


"Art is a reflection of God's creativity, an evidence that we are made in the image of God." Francis Shaffer (Founder of L'Abri)


'If you haven't gotten lost in a mystery today than it hasn't been much of a day." - Leonard Sweet


"Develop interest in life as you see it, in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself." - Henry Miller

My Rescue

God gave me this lyric/poem the other night...


The oceans tide has brought me to a dark and lonely shore. A deserted, sandy place where hope is no more. Is this the end of me? A victim of the storms fury. No, I can't even see one foot in front of my face, for love has battered and destroyed this place. Walking through the left over remains of what seems to be a hurricane. Oh this is not a home, no, this is a war zone. We, amongst the debris, are castaways of our own humanity. God, how can I look at this awful scene and trust you? It makes you appear to be oh so cruel and mean. For you created the very wind and rain that caused all this mess and all this pain. So here am I, stranded and abandoned, calling out to be rescued tonight. I scream at the top of my lungs, and jump up and down to get your attention. Oh if I forgot to mention, I need you! And though I have my doubts and though I have my fears, you take my hand and pull me out of here. The oceans tide has somehow brought me closer to you. In the midst of the wind and waves, you carried me through. You were and always will be my rescue.


(C) Krystal Celeste

Tonight

Deep blue sky tonight, anticipation of the starlight. Lord thank you for the peaceful evening sky. The pink and purple, comforting pastel light. I hear the stars beckoning me to give it another try. Shh, I tell my beating heart, the show is about to start. The moon dances over the water bright. In the dim lights is where you'll meet me tonight.


(C) Krystal Celeste

Songwriting quote...

"In this way I feel like the creative process brings me closer to God. As a creator of a song I get to take all these broken fragments of failure and chaos and weave together something beautiful and meaningful. Decay. Death. Pain. Fall. And if God is a songwriter then these fallen leaves of mine can be redeemed."- Jon Foreman

Yours

This is a little poem/lyric that I wrote like at 4:00 in the morning yesterday.


*Yours*
You've grown me up. Sculpted my skin, skin that still has the imprint of your hand. I am uniquely yours.


And for a time I breathed nothing in but you. For a time in my life beauty was about to begin. But I caved in, into my own sin. It was then that there was a new imprint on my skin. One that was uniquely mine.


But the blood that was shed to wash away my sin, the iniquity of all men. The life that was taken so I could be born again. Thorns on your head, nails in your hands left an imprint of my sin on your holy skin. Son of God, son of man the imprint of the nails on your hands has brought me back to life again.


(C) Krystal Celeste

In Pursuit

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was abandoned and betrayed by the very people who should have loved and protected her. She felt all alone in the world and had no choice but to grow up really fast. She had people who loved her, but eventually pushed all of them away. Including her savior, who was the one that loved her more than she could have ever imagined. She was beautiful, on the inside and out. She was talented and had a God given call on her life. But she succumbed to the pain and let it take her under.

This was inspired by her. She is now recovering from the pain and letting people back in her life again. My prayer for her is to never forget that her Savior is always in passionate pursuit of her heart. He longs to love her the way no one else could.


In Pursuit

Once upon a time they left her, they left her all alone. She grew up so fast. She was Alice falling through an hour glass. No, time was not her friend. Love left her again and again. A grown up at the age of ten. She heard of a love that could heal every scar, she tried it, but something still felt a little too far. She tried love, but it let her down. Now she's the one who's left town.


(Chorus)
Life let's me down. But just when I think I'm abandoned, love turns my battered head back around. To show it was there all along. I can never run too far. Love's a person in pursuit of my heart.


Love, or so it would seem, was probably easier to find in another scene. Oh if there was a touch that couldn't hurt, but that's all it ever did for you. And now you search but you end up finding what you tried to lose, cause sometimes you can't tell the difference between love and abuse.

(Repeat Chorus)


Oh will anyone ever see her again? The little girl in a woman's skin with a heart of porcelain. Who can take the fragile broken pieces of glass and turn them into a perfect work of art? She's still waiting, waiting in the dark.


(Repeat Chorus)


(C) Krystal Celeste

Writing Influence...

One of my biggest writing influences is singer/songwriter Cindy Morgan. I've listened to her music ever since I was like 10 or 11 years old. My sister and I grew up to her music. I knew every word to every song on her "A Reason To Live" CD, and "Listen" continues to be one of my very favorite Cd's to this day. My parents took my sister and I to her concerts a couple times when we were younger, we loved it! We even have a picture taken with her, which I would post if my sister wouldn't kill me lol. I feel like she was my first taste of what real songwriting was as a child. Her music, to me, is timeless. It's still walking along side me even as an adult. It's real, honest, sincere, heartfelt, thought provoking, and interesting. Good songwriting draws you in and becomes a living breathing part of you. You feel like you are taking a peak into the life of someone else...but all of the sudden you realize you're really looking at a reflection of your own life. This what her music is to me. And that's the kind of writer that I want to be. To write honest, real, sincere, heartfelt, thought provoking, and interesting songs.


Not too long ago on Cindy's website, fans were sending in questions for her to answer. Well I decided to submit a question and turns out, mine was the first one that she answered:

"The first question is from Krystal.
Being a songwriter myself i was wanting to know, what song did you have the hardest time writing? And what song was the easiest to write? Do the happier songs or the sad, maybe more introspective songs come easier?


Hi Krystal,Thanks so much for your question. I think your instincts are right on about it being easier to write the introspective songs. I can only speak for myself, but I think songwriting in general is about trying to reconcile things in life.For me, writing songs is much like journaling is for others.... you think, you pray, you consider all angles. Much of the songwriting process happens before you pick up the pen... it is the romancing of the idea... kind of like falling in love. I court a song, long before it gets written. There is a song on this upcoming record (Beautiful Bird) that I spent 8 years writing. It was a hard song to write because it was so special and I wanted it to be perfect. It's called Most of All. In another way, the hardest songs to write, are the songs that you try to rush or in a co-write situation, songs that you just don't connect with. I remember a few weeks ago, showing up for a co-writing session with a young ccm artist, who was in the mood to write something that I just wasn't into. That's when you earn your stripes and play tricks on your brain to try and get on board. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Keep on writing Krystal!
Blessings,
Cindy"


For more info on Cindy's music go to http://www.cindymorganmusic.com/

Speak To Me

I hate starring at a blank page. Sometimes it feels like I have nothing yet everything to say...I just can't figure out how to say it. Yet I still grab a pen and a paper and attempt to string words together that express the way I feel.

For some reason, since I was 17, I've been writing those thoughts and feelings down in song lyrics. Just lyrics, not music...so technically I can't even call them songs. I guess I could call them potential songs. Yeah, that works right? These "potential songs" have been my voice when I felt I didn't have one. They have been my way of figuring out pain and fear, and God's way of healing me and giving me hope. Most importantly I feel these lyrics have been God's way of getting through to me. How is it possible that God uses your own art to minister to you? It truly does amaze me. My relationship with God is often worked out in these "potential songs". Music, even at a young age, had a hugely profound effect on my relationship with God. Beautiful music about Jesus built a strong foundation for me as a kid. As a 17 year old it became my way of wrestling with my faith. I also started playing piano more and more. Which was not only another form of expression for me, but gave me a way of worshiping God through different things I was going through. I feel like God revealed himself to me through these simple art forms.

I was so excited when I wrote my first lyric at 17. It seemed to come so naturally, so easily. I was sure it had to be God because I am definitely not a writer. Were the lyrics I wrote at that time particularly good? Some were, a lot of them weren't. Are the lyrics I write now any good? Well I think other people would have to be the judge of that but I think they just might be. Will these "potential songs" ever become living breathing songs? Will they ever be heard by anyone?

I honestly have no idea. But I don't really think that's the point. I truly believe that God allowed me to write these lyrics so he could get through to me. So he could speak to me and have me actually listen. It gave me a way of communicating to him and worshiping him when I didn't know how to do it in any other way. It's funny that God can work through your gifts and talents to ultimately touch YOU. To speak to you. To heal you. I can honestly say that writing has been the way God has brought so much healing and wholeness into my life. A lot of lyrics that I wrote at 17 were born out of pain and fear. Still to this day songs are born out of that place. But at 17 it was mostly about the pain, now at 24, it's mostly about the healing.

Whatever gifts and talents God has given you , be faithful and obedient to let God develop them and use them. Whether you think God is going to use them on a big scale or small scale, keep writing, singing, playing, dancing, painting, sculpting, cooking....and let God bless and minister not only to others, but also to you. He will use your own art to get through to you when nothing else can. My lyrics have been the way God has spoken for me, through me, and ultimately spoken to me.

Bridges

I wrote this lyric at 3 :00 one morning lying in bed... wide awake, pen and paper in hand. I didn't sleep that much that night...needless to say. When I have a pen and paper in my hand at 3 am, sleep does not happen till I finish. I was inspired to write this after thinking a lot about a specific relationship that had become a victim of time and change. My question was: how do you go from being so close to a person to becoming complete strangers? I just felt really saddened by the fact that after growing up together.... years later we didn't even know each other anymore. And it shouldn't be that way, but it was and I knew that it probably wouldn't change. Not that we hadn't tried I suppose. Which led me to my next question: who's fault was it? I really felt most at fault for it, I felt a lot of regret that I hadn't tried harder. But really it was both my fault and that persons fault. We just could never seem to meet in the middle. At times, I would put in the effort and that person wouldn't. Then they would put in the effort and I wouldn't. So we both let it happen over time. Although, maybe that's just how it goes sometimes, right? As you grow up, you change so much...you become totally different people, and no longer relate to each other. No longer have much in common. But I think that's when you start to build bridges. If the relationship is important you're going to work through and adjust to all the changes. In every relationship, you are going to have to build bridges, and rebuild bridges, and repair bridges. It takes so much work but I believe it's worth it. And I don't want to put it off till tomorrow anymore. I feel like I have for too long. And you never know when it's going to be too late to build those bridges. So make the time and build them now.



Bridges

Any bridge that once existed there is long gone.We never tried to build at the same time. If you were holding the nails I would lose the hammer. Or maybe we just seem to forget where we put it. And to get to each other we'd have to swim, yet neither one of us want to get wet.


So we let the water pass by and left the tools by the wayside, and said "I'll build when I get the time."


Oh the memories, when bridges were built easily. Now their a commodity. I don't remember how or when it broke but we both got soaked. Maybe we just forgot how to build, maybe that's just how growing up feels.


So we let the water pass by and left the tools by the wayside, and said "I'll build if I get the time." But we haven't yet.


Oh across the turning tide we notice each other over the great divide. And you asked "How can I get to you?" And I replied "I wish there was a bridge connecting us two." So you look for the hammer and I look for the nails. Will we build a bridge? I guess only time will tell...


So we let the water pass by and left the tools by the wayside, and said "I'll build if I get the time." Oh will we always let the water pass us by? And let the tools rust in the meantime? And say we could never spare the time? Oh someday I don't wanna have to say we never made the time and to what once was have to say goodbye.


(C) Krystal Celeste

Dance Inspite Of The Rain

So since this is my first blog entry, I thought I'd start by posting a lyric I wrote a few years ago that's very close to my heart. Writing this lyric really felt like a release for me. The chorus of the song was inspired by a TV show I saw about funny things that go wrong at weddings. There was a story about a couple who had their reception outside in a tent. Well of course, the inevitable happens...it starts to rain. Well actually not just rain, but pour would be the operative word I suppose. All of the sudden, the tent becomes so weighed down by all the water that it starts to leak through in large amounts, soaking all the guests. To make maters worse, all of this is happening while the bride and groom are having their first dance as husband and wife. Now, you'd think that water flooding the once beautifully decorated tent, drenching all of the guests would put a damper (no pun intended) on what would otherwise be a beautiful moment. But by looking at this bride and groom you would have thought it was all sunshine and rainbows and birds singing...not a flash flood. While everything was in chaos around them and all the guests were pretty much screaming "you get the ark, we'll get the animals", this couple never took their eyes off each other for one second. They continued their dance completely and utterly focused only on each other, as if none of the chaos of the storm was going on around them. They danced. Instead of being afraid of the storm or affected by the chaos, they danced. I feel like that's what God beckons us to do. To dance with our eyes totally focused on him inspite of the crazy storms going on around us. To take these steps of faith instead of focusing on our "cripple". Instead of focusing on the pain, fear, and anger...instead of focusing on the storms and the rain leaking through, to lock eyes with him and dance. I believe that's where peace comes in, and healing comes in and finally we are free.


Dance Inspite Of The Rain

My creator, you held out your sacred hands and said "My child can I have this dance?" Slowly my crippled legs took their first wounded step and I nervously rejoined this dance.

(Chorus)
With the rain pouring down and the wind blowing all around, the thunder is loud yet we don't hear a sound. With you I can dance in the midst of the rain. Though the tent is leaking and the water comes flooding through, I will dance inspite of the rain with my eyes focused on you.

Yeah this is peace, this is freedom from the chains that have bruised my arms. These same arms I will now throw up to the sky and twirl around and around as the rain flutters by. I do not notice the storm when I'm locked into your eyes.

(Repeat Chorus)


Oh I'm Peter looking down instead of straight ahead. I'm Thomas doubting you've been resurrected from the dead. I'm the ballet dancer whose feet bled. Where is my movement in this dance? My apathetic legs have forgotten the steps. But maybe even the weakest step holds great meaning.


(Repeat chorus 2x)


(C) Krystal Celeste