Happy New Years, friends! Hope you’re having a lovely 2013 so far… even if we are only 6 days in. I rang in the new year with my parents. We ate way too many tamales, had the most amazing toffee for dessert, watched the ball drop, had prayer together, and toasted with sparkling grape juice. This has become our yearly tradition and I kinda love it. How ever you said goodbye to 2012 and hello to 2013 I hope you had fun!
Oh boy, reflecting on 2012 is honestly kind of hard and I think I’ve been avoiding it. The blogosphere has been exploding with year end thoughts and new years resolutions all week. I had been wanting to write something but considered skipping it all together because… well, because frankly, a lot of 2012 kind of sucked lol.
Really, even though it may not sound like it right now, I’m usually a positive, glass half full type of person but hey, just being honest here. 2012…and 2011 were not particularly fun years. I mean there were definitely good moments but majority of the past couple of years were full of things I’d just as soon forget if I could. They were wrought with a lot of turmoil, tears, and hurt. Broken relationships, broken trust, saying goodbye when I didn’t have a clue how, losing a couple friendships that I really didn’t want to let go of…but wasn’t given much of a choice.
However, I simply can’t ignore the beauty in the midst of the ashes. In the midst of all of the turmoil God has been working … sometimes ever so quietly but I’ve seen his fingerprints. Relationships are being restored and hearts are in recovery, I believe. Forgiveness is always on going but it’s happening. This has also been a year of God bringing my dreams, dreams that I let die in all the pain, back to life in my heart. But in a new way.
And the biggest thing of all is that I got to see God do something this year in someone’s life that I never ever thought I would see happen. I had given up hope that it would ever happen. I wish I could go into more detail because I hate when people are so vague sometimes but all I can say is that it’s a true miracle. And I am so glad that I am getting to see it. It hasn’t been the easiest road and there is still so far to go but man is God working. And my heart can’t express how grateful I am for that.
I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned this year is that God loves us so much that he’s not content to let us just stray away from him. No, he passionately and relentlessly pursues our hearts. He will do whatever it takes to bring our hearts back to him. He’s not a passive God. He loves us even in our mess but he loves us too much to just leave us in our mess. And maybe 2012 was worth it just to get to see this in action.
I feel like I’m entering into 2013 with a healthy dose of excitement and admittedly a little bit of fear. There’s a lot of changes ahead this year and Lord knows I’m not good with change. But these changes are good. I’m finally going to pursue something I really love and am really passionate about. I’m finally taking steps to making these dreams of mine come true. And that’s a good thing. I’ve known what I’ve wanted for a really long time but have just been too scared to go after it. So it’s about freakin’ time, I think.
And really in the end, while I’m afraid of all the changes and I know it’s not going to be easy, I think I’m more afraid of not changing. I’m more afraid of entering into 2014 not having pursued any of these dreams spilling out of my heart.
So yes, while 2011 and 2012 were rough they are in the past now and I’m so glad that they are. And I don’t plan on taking them with me, I can’t. I won’t let the past weigh down the future.
I remember some years back reading a blog by the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms, Jamie Tworkowski (who’s kind of a hero of mine), where he said something that always stuck with me, “Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace. Those days are grace. You are still alive, and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live”. That’s how I want to live in this new year, knowing that those days that are dead and over are wrapped in the grace of God. That today is the very best place for me to live.
2011 and 2012 are grace. 2013 is the best place to live.